Writing the Family Saga Assignment
Bile and Bushes ©
Holding her hair away from the bush, another wave of dry retching overtook her. Surely I can’t have anything else to bring up! How long will this last? How will I tell him?
“Elizabeth, where the hell are you? Where is my breakfast?” bellowed the Lieutenant, entering the kitchen. Wiping her mouth on her sleeve, she scurried back inside.
“It won’t be long Sir, just getting the eggs,” she replied, swallowing bile rising in her throat again. Just breathe, I can’t tell him yet, I don’t want to leave ’ere.
Spooning porridge onto his plate, her thoughts drifted to how she had found herself in this situation. Seven years! Why seven years? Lizzy is the same age as me, why had she got just one month and I got seven years transportation?
It was only a few articles of clothing after all, it wouldn’t have been noticed, if it wasn’t for that surly footman. I suppose I should have let him kiss me.
Elizabeth Selwyn, aged 18, Elizabeth Evans aged 16, committed on suspicion of stealing cotton gowns, a piece of striped serge, the Court Clerk had read. I guess Lizzy was better at her numbers than me. After all, it got her an easier sentence. I shouldn’t have lied about me age.
Boarding the Pitt for the voyage three months later, Elizabeth clutched the little bundle of her possessions tied in her only shawl. Her Mumma’s red shawl, given to her when she got the job of downstairs maid. I wish I hadn’t got caught, I did’t have any choice in nicking those things, Mumma needed money for food, they were all starving. My wages weren’t due until Christmas.
Now they had nothing!
With each step up the gangplank her heart beat faster. Nothing had prepared her for this day. She felt her chest constricting. I’m scared! Where would we all go, how will we all fit below deck? Red Coats, sailors, servants and gentry for Lor’s sakes! Why would anyone willingly go on this stinking ship? Just breathe Betsey, just breathe!
Elizabeth remembered the horror of the journey, the sick and the dying. She remembered the February day, arriving to the brilliant sunshine and overwhelming heat.
The Red Coat was watching me as I came up on deck, he gave me the shivers! Six and a half months below decks had taken a toll on more than just me body and threadbare clothes. I was about to start a new harsh life, never to see me family again and he was watching me!
Names were read out by a scrawny soldier standing near the gangplank. Fate had been kind to me that day, I was never expecting to leave the ship as housekeeper to Lieutenant Thomas Rowley!
“How many eggs would you like today Sir?” she asked, trying to focus on what was happening around her and noticing that he was looking at her with expectation.
“Elizabeth, what is wrong?” asked the Lieutenant. “You are miles away, it’s not like you to be wool gathering.”
I should have been more careful, he didn’t want a babe! Could I get rid of it? How could a convict bring up a baby without a father? He will send me to the barracks.
“I’m with child!” she blurted, running outside to her favourite bush!
Rising with a look of confusion the Lieutenant followed. It wasn’t long before he found her, on her knees, behind an innocuous spindly bush not far from the outhouse. The guttural retching sounds giving her away!
Approaching slowly, his nostrils flared with the acrid scent of vomit. Stopping away from her, breathing through his mouth, he called, “Are you all right?”
I’m just dandy! Do I look all right? Here I have just ‘shot the cat’ and you are asking me if I am all right, you great oaf?
“Yes, I am fine, I will be back directly and pour your tea.”
“Take your time Elizabeth. When you come in, I think we need to talk” he replied, retreating to the hut.
Blinking on entering the room after the brilliant sunshine of the March day outside, Elizabeth noticed the teapot, two dainty cups - where had they come from? - and a bottle of rum on the table. Sipping from his pannikin of rum, the Lieutenant looked up motioning to her to sit across from him.
“Well Betsey, I gather we have a situation to attend to? Do you want tea or rum?” he asked gently with a smile.
Reflective Statement
These two are my first ancestors on Australian soil in my maternal line. I haven’t been able to prove my research for them prior to this, so they are at the moment, the beginning of my Family Saga.
I hope with further exploration and imagination, to link one of these characters with another generation.
I found this essay fun, although challenging at times.
I am leaning towards the Creative Non-Fiction as genre of choice. The use of dialogue is a preference for me, I find that it is a natural fit, once I start writing. The Internal monologue was a bit more of a challenge. I kept wanting to write in third person instead of first person.
After numerous editing exercises, I eliminated many unnecessary words. Six drafts later it was within the word limits and polished!
I hope that maybe I am finding “my voice” in this essay.
______________________
For this Narrative I received 83% and the following feedback.
This is a very good, vivid piece of writing which brings your ancestors to life while giving your reader a strong sense of their circumstances. You have created an engaging and convincing story for Betsey and for the most part the inner monologues work well in telling her story. I would like to have known her name earlier on and where she's come from and where she is living in this narrative as well as a date or two so we can locate her in time. You've managed to incorporate lots of interesting details such as her crime and ensuing sentence but we don't know where she's come from or anything about what she's left behind. I assume that the 'Lizzy' who received only a one-month sentence is the 16 year-old, though this is not absolutely clear as you've written it. Perhaps take another look at that part. Nor is it clear whether the Lieutenant is the father of Betsey's baby or the Red Coat watching her on the boat. To make the most of these two plot points they need to be crystal clear at least by the end of your story if not sooner. Overall, a very good piece of work. Well done. JK.
NB It's enough to simply say 'swallowing bile' without adding 'rising in her throat again'.
Approaching slowly, his nostrils flared with the acrid scent of vomit. Stopping away from her, breathing through his mouth, he called, “Are you all right?”
I’m just dandy! Do I look all right? Here I have just ‘shot the cat’ and you are asking me if I am all right, you great oaf?
“Yes, I am fine, I will be back directly and pour your tea.”
“Take your time Elizabeth. When you come in, I think we need to talk” he replied, retreating to the hut.
Blinking on entering the room after the brilliant sunshine of the March day outside, Elizabeth noticed the teapot, two dainty cups - where had they come from? - and a bottle of rum on the table. Sipping from his pannikin of rum, the Lieutenant looked up motioning to her to sit across from him.
“Well Betsey, I gather we have a situation to attend to? Do you want tea or rum?” he asked gently with a smile.
Reflective Statement
These two are my first ancestors on Australian soil in my maternal line. I haven’t been able to prove my research for them prior to this, so they are at the moment, the beginning of my Family Saga.
I hope with further exploration and imagination, to link one of these characters with another generation.
I found this essay fun, although challenging at times.
I am leaning towards the Creative Non-Fiction as genre of choice. The use of dialogue is a preference for me, I find that it is a natural fit, once I start writing. The Internal monologue was a bit more of a challenge. I kept wanting to write in third person instead of first person.
After numerous editing exercises, I eliminated many unnecessary words. Six drafts later it was within the word limits and polished!
I hope that maybe I am finding “my voice” in this essay.
______________________
For this Narrative I received 83% and the following feedback.
This is a very good, vivid piece of writing which brings your ancestors to life while giving your reader a strong sense of their circumstances. You have created an engaging and convincing story for Betsey and for the most part the inner monologues work well in telling her story. I would like to have known her name earlier on and where she's come from and where she is living in this narrative as well as a date or two so we can locate her in time. You've managed to incorporate lots of interesting details such as her crime and ensuing sentence but we don't know where she's come from or anything about what she's left behind. I assume that the 'Lizzy' who received only a one-month sentence is the 16 year-old, though this is not absolutely clear as you've written it. Perhaps take another look at that part. Nor is it clear whether the Lieutenant is the father of Betsey's baby or the Red Coat watching her on the boat. To make the most of these two plot points they need to be crystal clear at least by the end of your story if not sooner. Overall, a very good piece of work. Well done. JK.
NB It's enough to simply say 'swallowing bile' without adding 'rising in her throat again'.
________________________________________________
For the next assignment I could write about someone in the earlier assignment if I wanted, but not both. I also had to address all feedback that I was given in this assignment.
For the next assignment I could write about someone in the earlier assignment if I wanted, but not both. I also had to address all feedback that I was given in this assignment.
Writing the Family Saga Assignment
From Convict to Mam ©
From Convict to Mam ©
“Jesus, Mary and Joseph, it hurts, it hur…”
As another wave of pain approached, Elizabeth moaned into her throat, trying to quell the scream rising from her belly! Sweat dripped down her forehead, the sticky heat engulfed her as she writhed in pain. When would it end?
“Push Betsey, push, this babe can’t do all the work,” urged Mrs Haggety from next door.
“For Lors’ sakes Missus, I can’t push any harder,” Elizabeth yelled.
“You don’t have to dear, she’s ‘ere, another beautiful girl. Well done lassie!”
I thought it is supposed to get easier, but it hasn’t! Sobbing with relief, Elizabeth held out her arms for her daughter, the pain now forgotten.
Oh, what a beautiful, bonny babe. Who would have thought when I arrived on that stinking convict ship so long ago, I would now be mother to five young-ins?
“Yer a born mother, Betsey.”
Smiling through her tears, Elizabeth nodded. I love being a Mam!
“For Lors’ sakes Missus, I can’t push any harder,” Elizabeth yelled.
“You don’t have to dear, she’s ‘ere, another beautiful girl. Well done lassie!”
I thought it is supposed to get easier, but it hasn’t! Sobbing with relief, Elizabeth held out her arms for her daughter, the pain now forgotten.
Oh, what a beautiful, bonny babe. Who would have thought when I arrived on that stinking convict ship so long ago, I would now be mother to five young-ins?
Assigned as his housekeeper was a better life than others, who arrived with me. Housekeeper, hah! More than just a housekeeper. The babies come every couple of years whether I want ‘em or not. I have either been carrying ‘em or feeding ‘em for years now.
Mother, but not a wife, still not a wife! Will marriage never cross his mind? Feeling worn out and emotional, Elizabeth sighed with resignation. I guess in 1804, the protection of a man is the next best thing. Not just any man either, he’s a Captain. I could be worse off. It wasn’t like I had a choice though. But I wouldn’t change anything, nah who am I foolin’, Mrs Captain Thomas Rowley, sure would sound good!
“I will call her Eliza-Jane, Mrs Haggety, isn’t she beautiful?” beamed Elizabeth.
“Yer a born mother, Betsey.”
Smiling through her tears, Elizabeth nodded. I love being a Mam!
Sitting in the brilliant Sydney sunshine gazing at the baby at her breast, a few days later, her thoughts meandered in the past. The past of dreary fogs and the drizzling rain of England. Of hard work in service. Of prison, chains and convict ships.
It is so dam hot today, that sun is fit to burn the shell off a snail. I don’t seem to be able to move quicker than a snail either! Oh how I would welcome a fog creeping up over the rise.
I wonder when he will be back again. I can’t do anything to upset him now, though. I may not be a convict no more, but I guess I have him to thank for getting me an Absolute Pardon. I hope he doesn’t tire of me and send me packing.
I just need to keep this little bit of power motherhood has given me. He couldn’t manage the children on his own and he would never give ‘em up. At least he treats us good and I have a roof over me head and me babies. We will never go hungry and I don’t have to worry about money no more.
Rising and placing the sleeping baby in the basket, she sighed, now where are your brothers and sisters, Eliza-Jane?
“Isabella, Tommy, John, Mary, time for supper.”
Picking up the basket with the sleeping Eliza-Jane, she made her way inside, smiling as she stepped through the door. My mansion, two rooms, dirt floor and all! But better than the tents some were still living in. I wish he spent more time at home. The Corps takes up so much of his time. Especially the rum trade and now all the land he is buying!
Picking up the basket with the sleeping Eliza-Jane, she made her way inside, smiling as she stepped through the door. My mansion, two rooms, dirt floor and all! But better than the tents some were still living in. I wish he spent more time at home. The Corps takes up so much of his time. Especially the rum trade and now all the land he is buying!
Eliza-Jane started to stir, tossing her head from side to side looking for her mother’s breast. Placing food on the table for the older children Elizabeth sat down to feed her fussing baby.
“Oh! Eliza, Li’l Liza Jane,
Oh! Eliza, Li’l Liza Jane.
Where will life take you?
Where will you go?” she sang in her tuneless voice, laughing when the children joined her with their exaggerated,
“Oh! Eliza, Li’l Liza Jane!”
*****************
Over two hundred years later I listen with fondness, as my third son, sings similar words to my new granddaughter Eliza-Jane, as he rocks her to sleep…
“Hey li’l Liza, li’l Liza - Jane
Go li’l Liza, li’l Liza - Jane.” [1]
“Did you know there are a few Eliza-Janes in our Family Tree?” I ask as I watch him with pride.
“No, really? We just like the name. How about that!” rising he places the sleeping Eliza- Jane of the twenty first century in her pram.
“You might like to tell her about her rich heritage of strong women, one day. There have been quite a few down the ages,” smiling at my 6’4” son as he tenderly settles his daughter, I continued, “especially the mother of our first Eliza-Jane on Australian soil. Elizabeth Selwyn has quite the story to tell.”
“Hmm, yeh Mum. Isn’t she beautiful?”
[1] The song “Oh Eliza-Jane” is indeed sung by my son to his Eliza-Jane, so I thought it was a good link between generations. Artistic license is used with Elizabeth singing it though, as it wasn’t written at that time.
Reflective Statement
In writing about my 3 x great grandmother Elizabeth, I focused on the strength she showed as a single woman in the fledgling colony of Sydney, New South Wales.
As I had written about her partner and father of her children in Assessment 2, I did’t want to mention him too much or give him notable scenes. I found this a hard task to achieve as my words naturally wanted to flow to his involvement in her life.
I hope to expand this narrative at a later date to show the other Eliza-Janes that have followed in this line of my Family Tree.
My writing once again led me towards dialogue and internal monologue, as I seem to be more comfortable with this style. I struggle with description passages, so showing with voice seems easier for me.
One of my biggest challenges in writing is past and present tense and I find myself second guessing myself and changing words with nearly every reading, which were many!
I found myself falling into the trap of assuming my reader knew as much about my characters as I did. I had to challenge myself to read it as a first time reader, with little knowledge of my characters.
I revised my narrative after excellent feedback on Assessment 2 and placed my characters in time and space. The trick for me was doing this without having a list of “begats” as Jodi is fond of saying
This is a well-written narrative focusing on Elizabeth and linking her life to the present. Your use of dialogue is clever, alongside the inner monologue, which you use to give context. I like how you transition to the present, keeping the story personal through your interaction with your son and his baby daughter.
I enjoyed reading about how you approached the writing process, reflecting on the style you are most comfortable with and the challenges of writing in this way.
One thing to be aware of as you continue to develop your writing, is punctuation. There are some instances where you have commas where they aren't necessary and disrupt the flow of the sentence, and others where a comma would improve clarity and fluency. This is something that will improve with practice.
You demonstrate an ability to apply the techniques discussed in this unit to create an interesting narrative based on historical records. I hope you keep up this important work of bringing history to life for future generations.
________________________________________________
“Oh! Eliza, Li’l Liza Jane,
Oh! Eliza, Li’l Liza Jane.
Where will life take you?
Where will you go?” she sang in her tuneless voice, laughing when the children joined her with their exaggerated,
“Oh! Eliza, Li’l Liza Jane!”
*****************
Over two hundred years later I listen with fondness, as my third son, sings similar words to my new granddaughter Eliza-Jane, as he rocks her to sleep…
“Hey li’l Liza, li’l Liza - Jane
Go li’l Liza, li’l Liza - Jane.” [1]
“Did you know there are a few Eliza-Janes in our Family Tree?” I ask as I watch him with pride.
“No, really? We just like the name. How about that!” rising he places the sleeping Eliza- Jane of the twenty first century in her pram.
“You might like to tell her about her rich heritage of strong women, one day. There have been quite a few down the ages,” smiling at my 6’4” son as he tenderly settles his daughter, I continued, “especially the mother of our first Eliza-Jane on Australian soil. Elizabeth Selwyn has quite the story to tell.”
“Hmm, yeh Mum. Isn’t she beautiful?”
[1] The song “Oh Eliza-Jane” is indeed sung by my son to his Eliza-Jane, so I thought it was a good link between generations. Artistic license is used with Elizabeth singing it though, as it wasn’t written at that time.
Reflective Statement
In writing about my 3 x great grandmother Elizabeth, I focused on the strength she showed as a single woman in the fledgling colony of Sydney, New South Wales.
As I had written about her partner and father of her children in Assessment 2, I did’t want to mention him too much or give him notable scenes. I found this a hard task to achieve as my words naturally wanted to flow to his involvement in her life.
I hope to expand this narrative at a later date to show the other Eliza-Janes that have followed in this line of my Family Tree.
My writing once again led me towards dialogue and internal monologue, as I seem to be more comfortable with this style. I struggle with description passages, so showing with voice seems easier for me.
One of my biggest challenges in writing is past and present tense and I find myself second guessing myself and changing words with nearly every reading, which were many!
I found myself falling into the trap of assuming my reader knew as much about my characters as I did. I had to challenge myself to read it as a first time reader, with little knowledge of my characters.
I revised my narrative after excellent feedback on Assessment 2 and placed my characters in time and space. The trick for me was doing this without having a list of “begats” as Jodi is fond of saying
______________________
I received 82% for the Narrative and the following Feedback.
I enjoyed reading about how you approached the writing process, reflecting on the style you are most comfortable with and the challenges of writing in this way.
One thing to be aware of as you continue to develop your writing, is punctuation. There are some instances where you have commas where they aren't necessary and disrupt the flow of the sentence, and others where a comma would improve clarity and fluency. This is something that will improve with practice.
You demonstrate an ability to apply the techniques discussed in this unit to create an interesting narrative based on historical records. I hope you keep up this important work of bringing history to life for future generations.
________________________________________________
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